Why Men Don’t Speak Up

"Man up." 

"Be strong." 

"Men don’t cry."

These are words we’ve all heard or maybe even said. But behind these seemingly harmless phrases lies a dangerous silence, one that costs lives.

At Lady Adaure Outreach Foundation, we advocate for public health in all its forms, including mental health in an area where many men are suffering in silence.

The Hidden Crisis

According to the World Health Organization, one in every four Nigerians is battling a mental health condition. Yet, less than 10% of mentally ill Nigerians have access to professional care. But when you zoom in on gender, the disparity becomes more heartbreaking.

A 2020 study by the Nigerian Institute of Medical Research found that men are 40% less likely than women to seek mental health support in Nigeria. Many fear being labeled as “weak” or “unmanly”.  a cultural stigma that begins early and lingers deep.

In the United States, the picture isn’t much better. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that over 6 million American men suffer from depression every year, yet men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women. African-American men in particular often face a double burden: racial injustice and cultural silence around mental health.

But Why Don’t Men Speak Up?

The reasons are layered and complex:

• Cultural expectations: In many African cultures, men are raised to be providers, protectors, and pillars of strength. Vulnerability is often seen as failure.

• Fear of judgment: “Who will marry a man who talks too much about feelings?” “What would my pastor or boss think if they knew I was anxious?” These thoughts keep many men silent.

• Lack of safe spaces: Most support groups, health outreach programs, and even social media mental health conversations are geared toward women. Men are often left out unintentionally.

• Poor healthcare access: In rural parts of Nigeria, mental health care is virtually non-existent. Even in cities, long waits and high costs discourage men from seeking help.

Silence is deadly.

A recent report by Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) revealed that suicide rates among Nigerian men are on the rise, especially among young men aged 25 to 34. These are men in their prime husbands, brothers, sons, friends.

The situation mirrors what the CDC in the U.S. calls a “quiet crisis,” where white and Black men aged 25 to 54 are dying by suicide at higher rates than any other demographic.

At LAOF, we believe silence should never be an option.

To every man reading this: your silence doesn’t make you strong, your strength lies in speaking up. You are not alone. You are not less of a man for needing help. You are not weak for having emotions.

To every woman reading this: ask your father, your husband, your brother, your son  “How are you, really?”

You might be the first person to ever ask him that.